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PostAuthor: Mashila » Thu Jul 17, 2003 12:06 am

*Mashila is bored and decides to toss a few Shurukins at a raven*

*A temple guard sees her and disposes of Mashila in about 2 seconds flat*

Mashila: So......Your a BIRD lover!

*dies*

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PostAuthor: Olaf » Sun Jul 27, 2003 7:37 am

aphex out of nowhere sends me a tell:

"Punk ass battle beetle all up on my grill"
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PostAuthor: Baratin Gilden » Sun Jul 27, 2003 9:20 pm

Morbid Ridicule wrote:This one was pretty fun today...

It was one of those commoners with the two big knives... He ran up to me and just kinda stood there.

Uz: *glares at the commoner*
Uz: You want somethin'?
Uz: Look.
Uz: Get outta my way, or I'll cut you one.
Uz: *looks around*
Uz: *realizes which way he's facing*
Uz: Well... I guess you actually aren't in my way...
Uz: ...but you just watch it.
Uz: *stomps off*


*wipes tears of laughter away* gifted :wink:
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PostAuthor: Reinstag » Wed Jul 30, 2003 7:01 pm

Timo: One common rule about mages I've learned...
*name deleted*: Whats that?
Timo: They have one of two things up their asses: their head or a stick. And that one *points to mage walking away* has both in there.
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PostAuthor: Lycanthropy » Wed Jul 30, 2003 7:04 pm

"Well, the Guarantee goes like this - you ask for your money back, I won't give it to you. And that's a Guarantee!"

- Zacharias Johannson
Silver Fox - "it's like Friedrich Nietzche started doing steroids and drag."

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PostAuthor: Vicky » Sat Aug 02, 2003 1:47 am

I've cut out some extra bits of this but it made me laugh...

Tehenen : Well Erulo, are you hungry?

Erulo Skus : hungry ? no ... me eat bugbear some hours ago

Tehenen : *looks shocked* You ate a whole BUGBEAR?

Erulo Skus : no no ... me prefer eat they legs ...

Tehenen : *raises eyebrows* Are they tasty?

Erulo Skus : hmm ... taste like chicken to me ...
Thank goodness Vicky finally gave up that powergamer character, Tehenen. If I saw her one more time at the Ice Caves, I was gonna throw up! Jesus. To go from level 1 to 5 in 8 months is just ridiculous. I bet she has like 4200 gold too. Unbelievable how fast she was gaining levels and wealth. ;)
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PostAuthor: Actually » Mon Aug 18, 2003 5:33 pm

Here are a couple of funny ones from the AAAA Grand Opening in Dwarftrade.

I'm still looking for a log of the raffle, fashion show, and auction. So if you're out there and you have one, please send it my way. *grin*


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Darent Webber
*to jerry* i am sorry for healing you without asking first sir, but those arrows looked like they hurt

Jerry Cornelius
Oh, hey. Don't sweat it, lad. I never turn down a good healing. Keeps the bowels regular.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Boric Kross
Gunter you old dog

Gunter Kilya
yeah what yer old bugger

Boric Kross
surprised your still alive

Gunter Kilya
of course i'm still alive

Boric Kross
none of the gods would have you

Gunter Kilya
'fraid not

Jerry Cornelius
Have you tried Verossa? Rumor has it she's *stage whisper* kinda slutty.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Just wait 'till I can get the log of The Bane of the Horde, and the great Gnomish battle of Ohsitzenweragunnatiflaugerendie.

Bye Now,
Jerry Cornelius - "Somtimes Sticker of Beetles"

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PostAuthor: Actually » Mon Aug 18, 2003 6:28 pm

Much thanks go to eggyt for having a copy of the log to send me.

Here's some more gems from the AAAA Grand Opening:

-----------------------------------------------------------
Jerry Cornelius
Our next piece will be a VERY impressive number.

Jerry Cornelius
This suit of piecemeal or "half" plate mail is stouter than Steelhorns piles!

Jerry Cornelius
I can say with some assurance that no one has EVER been killed on their death plane while wearing that armor! How could anyone NOT buy it?

Lady Evalia Scarlett
Hmmm, that one is the same as i have*smiles*

Jerry Cornelius
And TELL us, miss! Have you ever been killed on your death plane while wearing it?

Jerry Cornelius
*looks intent*

Lady Evalia Scarlett
I doesn't travel there with me, i am sorry to say

Jerry Cornelius
So, then the answer is NO you have NOT! See! Another satisfied customer of the AAAA!


Lady Evalia Scarlett
*grins*
-------------------------------------------------------------

Jerry Cornelius
Stout, but not as restrictive as a full metal suit like the knights wear, this outfit is SURE to be a hit with the Tyeduns next fall!
Hide armor is all the rage amongst the barbarians, but it's always so HEAVY. Well, thanks to the AAA that's a thing of the past!

Jerry Cornelius
Now you can safely camp the lizardmen AND still carry away a ton of spears comfortably!

Jerry Cornelius
Remember folks, AAAA armor is always lighter than competitors armor, without sacrificing its durability!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Jerry Cornelius
Next up is a piece for the elven lasses. Leather armor, but padded! I call it, "Wonder Leather".

Jerry Cornelius
Remember, they can't swing at yer head if their staring at your chest!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Jerry Cornelius
Now, THIS outfit is the HEIGHT of protection!

Jerry Cornelius
Full plate, and of masterful design!

Jerry Cornelius
This stuff is absolute proof against Wemics and Kurathens! They're all afraid of blue-orange combinations!

Jerry Cornelius
AAAA armor carries a three-month full guarantee against getting attacked by Wemics!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jerry Cornelius
Now, we all know copper is proof against fire, but did you know it's safe from rust monsters, too?

Jerry Cornelius
Not a SINGLE hero in ALL of Avlis has ever fallen victim to a rust monster while wearing AAAA half-plate!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kaleb Fulchair en'Tauron
Ok...now lets get on with the auction

Jerry Cornelius
That's right, folks!
It's bidding time!
Dig deeply, 'cause we've got some amazing weapons here!

Kaleb Fulchair en'Tauron
we will begin with a fine Warhammer

Jerry Cornelius
*looks shocked*
My GOD! Can it be? Is it really?

Jerry Cornelius
Folks! Kaleb holds in his hands the dreaded Gnomish Hammer: "Nuttensmashtiflaugeren"!!!!

Jerry Cornelius
*crosses legs* That hammer has a feared reputation amongst all warriors above 4 feet tall!

Jerry Cornelius
You all know about Abdul in Mikona being a eunuch, right!

Jerry Cornelius
Well, what you DIDN'T know was that it was an arguement with Tignal Sheltenschmucker the Gnome, while wielding Nuttensmashitflaugeren, that brought him to that condition!

Jerry Cornelius
This hammer is a deadly weapon, friends! Dangerous in short hands!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This next one, with much respect and admiration, is dedicated to Spell Singer...

Kaleb Fulchair en'Tauron
Next we have a Rapier

Jerry Cornelius
Now, that piece has quite a story to it!

Jerry Cornelius
You all know the esteemed Kaelyn McAddor, and his faithful weapon "Shell Cracker"?

Jerry Cornelius
Well, like all of us Kaelyn had his start on the streets of Mikona. An aspiring hero like any other.

Jerry Cornelius
In those days, THIS was his weapon of choice
He called it...
"Fire Beetle Sometimes Sticker"!!!

Jerry Cornelius
Yes, never the most creative apple in the barrel, was Kaelyn.

Talman Grumb
I'll have to ask him about that when next i see him

Jerry Cornelius
Errr... You won't mention my name, will you?

Talman Grumb
Of course not
*grins*

Jerry Cornelius
Good. He never got over that whole, "Why are you always talking to Hassan" issue he had with me. *grins*

Kira Geles
*grins* I don't recall Kaelyn ever carrying a rapier

Jerry Cornelius
Oh yes, mum. Quite the dashing figure little Kaelyn cut. Rushing around town, fleeing from rats and gangmembers.

Jerry Cornelius
You won't find anything like this in the stores, nor in the Slaver's Compound.

Jerry Cornelius
Just think, you could be the next stuffy paladin, just by wielding this weapon!

Tobur Valken
you too could be banished from Mikona

Jerry Cornelius
Getting banished from Mikona is par for the course, these days.

Cyndril Goldentree
Who would want to be there anyway?
*shakes his head*

Jerry Cornelius
Mikon would.

Jerry Cornelius
They've got the finest sewer system of any city south of Blandenburg!

Jerry Cornelius
I always wondered. Does an elf poop in the woods?
That could be the answer to the food shortage, y'know. Elf poop.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jerry Cornelius
All right
My oh my!
This next weapon... Could it be?
I believe that is one of the Iron Mantis Kamas!

Jerry Cornelius
No one has seen an Iron Mantis Kama in action for months, now!

Jerry Cornelius
It's said that the Lost Monk "Ed" was the last to see one, but from a most unfortunate vantage.

Jerry Cornelius
Iron Mantis Kama's have a deadly reputation in all of the slums or M'Chek.

Jerry Cornelius
With the Monastery thought abandonded, the chance to wield an Iron Mantis Kama has almost left our world.
This could be the last one!
We'll start the bidding for this piece at 8,500 gold!

Jerry Cornelius
A STEAL! Which is probably how Dok got it in the first place.

Jerry Cornelius
My my! This piece will definitely turn heads. Slightly to the left. Just before they fall off in a spout of blood.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cyndril Goldentree
How many items are being auctioned today?

Jerry Cornelius
I believe we have three more items up for sale today. Two weapons, and something special.

Jerry Cornelius
This axe is a fell weapons, friends!

Jerry Cornelius
Cast in pure dire wolf blood by the Goblin Artisan Mooltark!
It has a long and bloody history in the Deglosian Greenskin Wars.

Jerry Cornelius
Many Galdo- and Dubgaldokin have fallen before it's razor sharp edge!

Jerry Cornelius
It was captured at the Gnomish battle of "Ohsitzenweragunnatiflaugendie".

Kira Geles
*chuckles* say that again for me please Jerry? I think I missed part of it

Jerry Cornelius
The Gnomish Battle of "Ohsitzenweragunnatiflaugendie" is no laughing matter. A bloody day in Deglosian history, it was!
The caverns rang with somewhat smallish shouts of agony!
After it's capture. The axe was kept safe by the Deglosian Magick Council for many years.
It was recently given to the AAAA in honor of a great service the guild did the Deglosian King.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jerry Cornelius
This weapon! This sword of infinite majesty, is none other than the Bane of the Horde!

Jerry Cornelius
Many are the otherwise terminally cute Kobolds who have fled in terror at the sight of this weapon!

Jerry Cornelius
No pats to the head will ever come from the Bane of the Horde. At least, not the kind that make them purr and twitch their ears!

Jerry Cornelius
The Bane of the Horde had to be banished from M'Chek recently, as part of a complicated diplomatic agreement the Horde had reached with certain suggestible daughters of House Fenmare.

Jerry Cornelius
That's right folks, the Bane of the Horde is the first WEAPON ever banished from Mikona! That makes it part of a very small, and prestigious, group of otherwise sentient objects!
Much like the Horde themselves!

Kaelyn MacCaddor
Er Sentient?

Amonien Amana
Like the Hammer of Gorethar?

Jerry Cornelius
Sentient. You know. Able to say hi there, and pass the jam, and what are you doing to that commoner, Jerry? That sort of thing.

Kaelyn MacCaddor
Realy? Can we see an example of this?

Jerry Cornelius
No no. Not the SWORD. The things OTHER than the sword that have been banished were sentient. The sword is just inert. Like Cherry on Sunday.

Kira Geles
*shakes her head at Kae* he's been like this all day
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Sorry that's a bit long, but it was more than 5 hours of solid RP. You can't begin to imagine how much I edited OUT to get to this. *grin*

Bye Now,
Jerry Cornelius - "SUMMON MONKEYS?!?!?!?!?!? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiieeeeeee!!!!!!!!"

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PostAuthor: JollyOrc » Mon Aug 18, 2003 6:47 pm

holy shit in a can!

I missed out greatly ! *curses at the jet-lag, the dog, the computer, the direly needed sleep and several other inanimate objects in reach*

Jerry, we need to do more auctions. *preps paints*
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PostAuthor: Obligood Sunnyglade » Mon Aug 18, 2003 8:14 pm

Jerry, I see you didn't post the one about the outfit that got you banished from Mikona.... :D
Obligood, Ob for friends.

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PostAuthor: Xiaou » Mon Aug 18, 2003 8:34 pm

I'm almost glad my character wasnt in attendence. There is a considerable amount of IC ammunition amongst Xi'Tso's friends that would have made the bidding on that "wonder leather" quite aggressive.
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PostAuthor: Olaf » Sun Oct 12, 2003 11:24 pm

I was REALLY.. bored and I sent a druid friend a tell..

Me: Hello fellow gamer. It has come to my attention that I have become bored. Thus I am inquiring about your gaming postion such as now..Also if it is not to much of a bother I wold like to join you in some good ole fashioned role playing! How about it? Sincerely- Dumbass

Druid: Dear Dumbass, RPing is for suckers. I would rather jerk off while watching warrior maidens run through Fanos shop. Yours sincerely JP PennyPecker..

Me: Dear PennyPecker....................................

Me again: Dear PennyPecker. You dont know me and this is a completely different person then before. I heard you like jerking off while watching warrior maidens run through Fanos shop.. I too share the same hobbies and interests that you do.. It would be an honor Mr. pecker to sit and jerk off with you.

Druid: Dear Dumbass...... Lets boogie
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PostAuthor: Gairus » Sun Oct 12, 2003 11:43 pm

O_O

I must start me a less purist character....
(or maybe get that job with Janur ;))

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PostAuthor: The Sveg » Mon Oct 13, 2003 6:58 am

Unnamed, yet infamous rogue:

"Then Kharak showed up, bringing all meaningful conversation to a stop."
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PostAuthor: The Sveg » Mon Oct 13, 2003 7:00 am

I cannot hold on this any longer...

Unnamed, yet infamous villain:

"I, uh, accidentally did not see that it had not started yet, so tonight i killed all the elysian merchants on the list, and most of the wilderness ones. A word about the mage in Leor...she has a pissload of hitpoint, and uses timestop right off...whew..."
"When is this project to start?

I, uh, accidentally did not see that it had not started yet, so tonight i killed all the elysian merchants on the list, and most of the wilderness ones."


Warning: Lawful Evil DM
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PostAuthor: jadeia » Mon Oct 13, 2003 9:33 am

Kinx caught me using his login name instead of his characters, so I decided to roll with it rather than try and fix it... went somethign like this, and I have to say, it earned him a cookie just for making me laugh hard.


Lanessa: So Kinx, what do you want to do?
Kharak: *Looks behind* Who's Kinx?
Lanessa: Sorry, I sometimes slip into elvin.
Kharak: *notes in journal: Kinx is elvin for hamster*
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PostAuthor: KinX » Mon Oct 13, 2003 9:39 am

The Sveg wrote:Unnamed, yet infamous rogue:

"Then Kharak showed up, bringing all meaningful conversation to a stop."


who? when?
Never argue with an idiot, they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience

Image

This statement is false
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PostAuthor: jadeia » Mon Oct 13, 2003 9:49 am

The Sveg wrote:I cannot hold on this any longer...

Unnamed, yet infamous villain:

"I, uh, accidentally did not see that it had not started yet, so tonight i killed all the elysian merchants on the list, and most of the wilderness ones. A word about the mage in Leor...she has a pissload of hitpoint, and uses timestop right off...whew..."


LOL, -30 xp for speaking OOC, but then +30 xp for making you laugh???
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PostAuthor: maxinion » Mon Oct 13, 2003 1:38 pm

jadeia wrote:Kinx caught me using his login name instead of his characters, so I decided to roll with it rather than try and fix it... went somethign like this, and I have to say, it earned him a cookie just for making me laugh hard.


Lanessa: So Kinx, what do you want to do?
Kharak: *Looks behind* Who's Kinx?
Lanessa: Sorry, I sometimes slip into elvin.
Kharak: *notes in journal: Kinx is elvin for hamster*


:P Maxinion said the last part.
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PostAuthor: Orleron » Mon Oct 13, 2003 1:39 pm

My favorite:

<player>: Oh shit... I just raised the Coal dragon by accident!
"Truth has no form."
--Idries Shah

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PostAuthor: Flakey » Mon Oct 13, 2003 2:06 pm

Orleron wrote:My favorite:

<player>: Oh shit... I just raised the Coal dragon by accident!


I was laughing so much I forgot to attack the dragon.
Minds are like parachutes, they have to be open to work.
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PostAuthor: Vroshgrak » Mon Oct 13, 2003 2:53 pm

*grumbles* well, at least im your favorite.

it fell ontop of mari after killing her, so i tried my hardest to raise her, but it raised it instead.
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PostAuthor: Heronimous Fox » Thu Oct 16, 2003 8:28 pm

The perils of crafting (edited down version....caused me to reach for 3rd beer)

Apprentice: ye be knowing what materials me be needin for a double sword
Master: whats the piece made up of
Apprentice: me thinks its all iron
Master: it has two iron blades but what is between
Apprentice: a hilt mold
Master: no...how far apart are they
Apprentice: aye...den me be needin a weapon handle
Master: no a handle is for weapons like an axe or mace
Apprentice: oh *looks down and thinks*
Master: when you wake up in the morning whats in your hand ;)
Apprentice: me smithin hammers
Master: *chuckles lots and lots*
Apprentice: *smiles*
Master: I'm trying not to picture that
Apprentice: not a pretty sight :)
Master: What do you mine in
Apprentice: Me plate armour
Master: No...*takes off helm and scratches head* What do you use to take you to the mine face
Apprentice: a corradah
Master: *wipes sweat from brow* Something long and thin
Apprentice: it be a hall way
Master: *grins*
Apprentice: *smiles*
Master: No...ever heard of a shaft
Apprentice: Aye...me got you now
Master: Mine shaft...weapon shaft
Apprentice: *grins and laughs*
Master: A weapon handle is a haft
Apprentice: Aye
Master: cos its haft the lenght of a shaft
Apprentice: aye thank e for your help
Master: You'll need to improve.......
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PostAuthor: Arcsylver » Fri Oct 17, 2003 3:48 am

Orleron wrote:My favorite:

<player>: Oh shit... I just raised the Coal dragon by accident!



ROFLMFAO!!!!


I had almost forgotten about that one Orl. My first week as a DM and getting involved with that 3 DM event with you and Dieder and seeing that was just priceless.



Hmmmm.... Here's some from my recent events with the Balor King.
Keep in mind these are paraphrased


Where do they all keep coming from?!?

I keep hitting it but it doesn't hurt them.

You dont scare me you great flaming chicken!!

Those red guys with axes really hurt!

What in the hells is going on here? Replied with the answer of "Yes"
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PostAuthor: Vian » Fri Oct 17, 2003 5:23 am

From a DM session of mine just a few days ago:

Me: Oy I think I may have over done it with the firegiants...

Timo: I'm happy I didn't goto the hills of tumult then.

Me: well the team that is here is kicking butt so maybe it's ok... and Kharak's here too!!

Timo: Then I'm REALLY happy I didn't come to the hills of tumult!!

....cha-chug... cha-chug... cha-chug... Server crashes.

In chat:

People in chat: You killed the server!!

Gorethar: I sensed the forces of evil and chaos gaining favour in M'Chek thus I decided I needed to cleanse the world.

In Tell--->: Cleanse the world!? I'm Lawful Good and Why do I have to be here?!

Gorethar In Tell ---->: You were thinking dirty thoughts about that female warrior, her sword, and the halfling.
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